Busted

Richard cold busted my ass trying to sneak and take a pregnancy test this morning. I woke up and tiptoed out of the room. I ran across the living room to the kitchen to retrieve the pregnancy test and headed back towards our guest bath which is about 5 feet down the hall from our bedroom door. I heard him get up to let the dogs out in our bedroom and thought "oh, he'll jump right back in the bed and fall back to sleep." So I went into the guest bath, ripped open the plastic packaging with my teeth, looked up and there he was glaring at me. I handed him the test and he snatched it away. So, so, so close. He's right though, we should wait until I would get an accurate reading...it's just really really really really really really really hard. (You know how some times some people say something is hard and then you experience it yourself and find that that was the understatement of the century? Well this is one of those times - there are no words to justify just how hard it is not knowing what the deal is.) Last week I was so strong when I said it's going to be what it is and how I don't have any control over what happens. All of that still applies...I just want to know one way or the other right fucking now! So Richard and I have decided to wait until Wednesday to test. Tomorrow marks exactly one week since transfer of 5 day blasts. So 7 + 5 = 12 days. That's just 2 days shy of 2 solid weeks (14 days), so if my tests are early response tests I should be okay to take one tomorrow. I probably won't though because it would just tear me up and cause a bunch of stress on my body if I got a BFN (big fat negative for you newbies) and the test box says it only works 5 days early on 60% of the population.

Fuck it - I'm waiting - it's not worth it. I'll wait until Wednesday but not one second later than first pee, whatever time that is Wednesday morning. This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe if I don't drink anything else tonight and I wake up with an ultra concentrated pee in the morning...nope, I'm waiting!

Tonight I had my first ever extreme bright red face, had to get a cold compress hot flash. It was after my estrogen and progesterone shots. Hopefully this is a good sign that my body is making progesterone in addition to the injections. I also had seriously noticeable heart palpitations - though that started before I ever got my shots. It got worse afterwards. No clue what that means but if it means I'm pregnant I'll take it.

Tomorrow is Richard's birthday. We (the family) gave him all the computer geek stuff he loves so much today at his birthday celebration. Everyone came over to our place and ate, it was nice. Both nieces attended and the 1.5 year old loved the nursery. She kept pointing at the wall and saying "lion...roar!" Too cute! The other, who is one week and two days old let me hold her for about an hour. She fell asleep on my chest, with her tiny little head on my heart - God I love her and I've only known her a week.

Ok, here's what I'll do until I can test:
Tomorrow:

• wish Richard happy birthday
• finish painting giraffe on the wall in the nursery (yes I added another animal on the wall - I'm bored, what do you want?)
• acupuncture
• make Richard an awesome birthday meal or take him out

Tuesday:

• hair cut
• paint with mom at pottery shop

Wednesday:

• test
• blog
• freak out or jump for joy