The Speak Out, Speak Up Award

My friend Jojobee from Hope...A POF and Donor Blog has honored me with this award. She and I have a lot in common and I am so glad we found each other.

Richard and I have been together for 9 years now. We are very fortunate to have each other. One reason is because so many marriages do not make it through infertility struggles. I feel blessed to have him in my life and as my husband. When we started trying to conceive 6 years ago we were both very excited and our expectations were high. After 2 years we decided to see a specialist. Richard was very supportive through the hormonal changes and financial burden. Our very first attempt with IUI and Letrizol (like Chlomid but for people with PCOS who can't take Chlomid) was successful in that it got us pregnant. Unfortunately 6 -7 weeks later we miscarried. I fell to the lowest point of my life. It was so sad to have lost the baby and to have to explain to everyone we had hastily told about the pregnancy. We tried more IUIs and IVFs and had more miscarriages. Through it all though my husband stood by me. When the insensitive comments of friends and relatives came, he was there for me. When family members were pregnant and rubbing it in our faces he was there for me. We went from being a fun loving couple to jaded, bitter people but we had each other. No one around us seemed to understand our struggle and I often felt like I was drowning, I would have without him...I honestly believe that.

Along the way I learned to pray. We are not overly religious people. Our experience with organized religion has not been real positive so we are more private with our methods of worship. After the first miscarriage I was really mad at God and was simply unable to pray but I have always had a strong belief so that did not last long. I realized that there is, there must be a reason for all of this. Richard and I are stronger as a couple. I am a more empathetic and compassionate person, just like my friend Jojobee. I have also reached out to other women who are experiencing infertility through this blog, a public radio appearance and by speaking a couple of times at a local college.

The past 6 years have been colored by our infertility, hormone treatments, financial burden and heart breaking miscarriages. This year things are different. We're enjoying the holidays, we can look at babies without feeling sad, it doesn't hurt as bad when women around me talk about how perfectly their bodies perform for pregnancy/nursing and we feel secure in the fact that in 3.5 short months we will finally be parents. There are no words to describe how wonderful that feels. I can't wait to see my baby girl and to see her father holding her.

Some would attribute our success to a combination of money, science and doctors. Some say it is nothing short of a miracle and that it is God's work. I believe it is some combination of all of those things. The doctors and nurses at my clinic (which nobody ever mentions on their blogs for some reason) NCCRM were an invaluable source of strength for me. They were honest, accurate, encouraging and caring. But none of this, in my opinion would have been possible without Him. I have said many times on this blog that I am grateful. I am so blessed to finally be pregnant and to feel like we will make it to parenthood.